The Answer...

As I listened to the voice mail, I knew the time had finally come for an answer. I hadn't really worried about whether I was going to get the job or not after the interview. Instead of wondering if I'm good enough, I've been sticking to the "I am who I am" policy. I know that it doesn't really matter if I'm good enough at all, because God can do anything through me if it is His will. For 10 days I had been calm and patient, but yesterday broke my stoicism. All of the sudden I thought, "What if they tell me no? What if they choose someone else? What will I do then?" I spent the rest of the evening trying to quiet those nagging questions.

I woke up this morning with that phone call hanging over my head. "No matter what, I trust You LORD!" I prayed and then picked up the phone.

After the hellos she said, "We talked about all the interviews and it was a really hard decision."

I knew then that I didn't get it.

"You were one of the top 3 but..." and she started telling me why they chose the other girl. I hardly heard another word because disappointment washed over me like a flood. I dropped to the bed, engulfed in confusion. I was surprised, but somehow I already knew the answer I got today. Wait. Why had God directed me to pursue an open door just to shut it in my face? He knows my heart is to do His will, so why the waiting?

"For still the vision awaits its appointed time;

it hastens to the end—it will not lie.

If it seems slow, wait for it;

    it will surely come; it will not delay."

(Habakkuk 2:3)

Wait. I'm pretty tired of hearing that word. I've gotten past feeling useless at home everyday. I have a schedule now and have plenty to occupy my time. I have my little photography business...but I know there is more. I know God is calling me to something else, but I must await the vision. On days like today, it is hard to wait. Still, I find my faith grows stronger with every passing trial; it is built up by waiting on God's direction.

The will of God is found in the pursuit of God...so I pursue and I wait.

A few things I've learned...

Hey guys! I'm back for a little bit. I'm borrowing my hubby's computer for a second today. It really has been nice to get away from distractions and make the time to read and pray. Being unemployed has been quite an adventure thus far. It has been very evident that this is God's will for my life right now. I've been learning a lot...and some of it hasn't been pretty.

I have come to realize that I need people and that I hate waiting. I don't like to admit that I hunger to be around people. I like to be independent and make myself think that I'm strong. Guess what? I'm not. After a week of waiting and praying I broke down. It was a quiet Sunday afternoon and I just couldn't take any more quietness, so I drove to Publix. (That is where I normally go when I'm angry. I shop for groceries and think. Yeah, I'm weird! Ha!) While there I had it out with God. I told him that I was so frustrated that I couldn't hold it together. I was angry that I had no answers after a week of waiting. I felt like I'd been left in the dark. He promised that if I took this step of faith, He would open the door. No door was in sight.

On the way home I stopped by a park to cry so Jonathan wouldn't see me. I hate to cry in front of people. Tears fell and washed away all my resolve. I didn't and couldn't understand. At the end of myself, I knew this was part of God's purpose. I needed to learn to trust Him in a deeper way. I had to let my fears go. After I came home, Jonathan let me cry on his shoulder. I told him that I was afraid that He would be disappointed in me and that I didn't want to be a burden to him. He reminded me that I'm not alone. He would take care of me no matter what and that I'd never disappoint Him as long as I am following God. Can I just say that I am so thankful for my husband? God was so good to give him to me.

Well, since then things have been better. I am learning to trust God for everything, for everyday. I am so amazed that I still have money in my bank account. I am astounded that I almost have enough funds for my mission trip. I am in awe of the peace that passes all understanding. In all of this God is teaching me to trust His voice. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. He has asked me to do things that don't make any sense! Still, I am trusting in His promises. He has promised to use me if I will give everything to Him without restraint. So I put all my faith in Him, even when it doesn't make sense.

And now, I am finally getting a glimpse of an open door. Jim Elliot once wrote,"the will of God is always a bigger thing than we bargain for." This has been more than I bargained for, but it is good. Being unemployed in the will of God is better than the best dream job I could even imagine. I'd rather hear His voice than the voice of any other. He is better and I am satisfied. He is has put so much joy in my heart. My cup overflows.

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor.

No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in You!"

(Psalm 84:11-12)

Faith & Fear

I have embarked on a new journey. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea where I'm headed. I know this is the path of the Lord's will but at times I am terrified. The simple fact of the unknown, unplanned and unseen future causes worry to fill my mind.

You see, a little over 2 weeks ago God made it very clear to me that I was supposed to quit my job. I had no doubt that my time there was over. It wasn't the most exciting job ever, but it was comfortable. I had a full time position with benefits and I worked with nice people. Still, I knew I had to leave. I had no plans and nothing else lined up. My husband told me that I needed to follow the Lord's direction, but that didn't make it any less frightening to know that the paycheck was going to end soon.

I knew my Master was telling me, "take this step of faith and I will open the door."

So I did.

Here I am almost 3 weeks later with nothing on the horizon. My heart battles back and forth between fear and faith. The question of what lies ahead is almost maddening at times. Each morning I pray fervently for direction and every day I am comforted by His Word, by His Spirit and told that I need to trust in faith. He knows that I am desperate to follow His will. He knows I will do whatever He asks of me. He knows we can't make it to much longer before the money runs out. He knows my desires. He knows...

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for , the conviction of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)


Faith - it is all I have to cling to. I have faith that He is good and that He has a plan for our lives. So I wait for the word of direction. I will continue to walk along the path He has laid out for me, though I know not where it leads or what my next step will be. I rest in knowing that He is faithful though I am faithless. He will fulfill His promises. His ways are higher and I trust Him.


So there you have it. Raw and real. 


I am jobless. 

Compassion's Cry

Compassion's Cry

This has been a long time coming. It is my great pleasure to reveal Compassion's Cry. It all started back in March and it has been a long journey. Let me share a bit of the story with you...

On my way to lunch one day I was suddenly struck with a thought. I had been thinking about how I could get more involved with helping people. I knew there are tons of needs in the world, but I really didn't know where to start. So the thought came to me: What if there was a place that  had lots of information about different ways to get involved and stories of what others are doing to make a difference? That night I started bouncing ideas off of my husband, but it was very clear that I couldn't tackle such a big project by myself. Nevertheless, I told God that I would obey (despite my inadequacies) if He called me to do it. Not a week later I get an email from a girl who has the same vision. Soon there are 3 of us working on this project.

Now it has come to life. So please take a minute to go check out Compassion's Cry and see what it's all about! Tell us what you think about the first post over there! Is this kind of thing needed? How might you get involved?

A big reveal is coming...

This is me today guys. Well, really this is me for the next few days! My computer and a cup of tea will be my companions at all times, and my fingers just might be numb from typing by the end of this weekend! I have something very exciting to reveal this Monday, but it still needs a lot of work first! Just to give you a little insight, me and a few other people have been working on this project since March. It's been a long journey but we are almost ready to launch! I am beyond excited.

I would greatly appreciate your prayers as I finish a few last things. I am really praying that God uses this in a powerful way.

Stay tuned for the exciting reveal on Monday!!!!

PS: Don't forget to think about sponsoring my blog for August! Each sponsor will help me get to Ethiopia!

WIRED Week 2011

Well, this past week was simply amazing. I've been holding off on writing about it so that I could process all that happened. I still can't adequately explain everything, but here it goes! Basically WIRED week is about bringing the local church together to serve and worship in unity. We had 40 something youth groups and over 1000 kids. Everyone stayed at host churches in the area (one of them is our church) at night, and during the day we came together for worship, Bible study and serving the community through various mission projects. Believe me, it's awesome.

Our worship band for the week was DecembeRadio. Let me tell you, they are one talented group of people! Cody Deese was the speaker and man, he brought it! He certainly wasn't afraid to say what needed to be said!

The theme was "Under Siege" and it was all about spiritual warfare. It's kind of funny because one night the power went out completely. It was hot and dark but we still had worship!

My sweet sister also came into town for the week to help with a VBS track group, and also to keep me company while my husband did all his assistant camp director things. He basically lived at the church for 3 weeks...no joke.

I was also able to help at this booth! We sold these bracelets to raise money to build safe houses for victims of sex trafficking. This is the group I will be going to Ethiopia with this fall!

Speaking of Ethiopia, you should check out my vintage-inspired headbands that I'm selling to raise money for the trip!

Everyday, I helped deliver lunches to sites. For the first 2 years of WIRED I served as a track leader...it kind of made me miss it.

It was so good have my sister here all week! She is the sweetest girl ever and I'm so glad to call her my family! She was good to wear my headbands a lot to help me promote them...and of course, I wore them too!

By the end of the week there were over 150 people who committed their lived to Christ. And that was just from the WIRED participants! There were lots more at our sites! It is so neat to be a part of a generation who is rising up to be the hands and feet of Jesus. We aren't content with doing things simply because they've always been done that way. We are questioning. We are trying to make our lives line up with scripture, not tradition. I can't wait to see what the church will look like in the future. I have great hope!

WIRED Week, I will see you next year!

learning simple things

The pulse of worship becomes more intense with every line.

Hands raised.

Hearts open.

Over a thousand people sing out an anthem of praise.

We draw near to God.

God draws near to us.

It's so beautiful that would draw near to each one of us. As I sat in the back of the auditorium after worship, I was blown away by this thought: At the same time God was speaking to my heart, He was also speaking to so many others in the room. He speaks to each of us individually. Though hearing the same message and singing the same songs, He sees the hearts of all and has a different plan for everyone. The Spirit is vast. Just thinking about all that He was doing in that room (not to mention the rest of the world) absolutely astounded me. What knowledge! What power! What a great God.

And yet we live as if He is small.

We hear His voice and then forget what He said. We worship Him and live our own lives. We don't remember that the Bible is truly the Word of God. We fail to take the time to come before Him in awe of His majesty. Often you hear people talk about "going deeper" with God. What if we just grasped the simple things? Things like "God is love", and that we were once dead and now made alive in Christ. What if we really learned to pray and worship? What if we learned how to love? I am seeing that I know less about God than I ever have. Just the fact that He speaks to everyone at the same time, on an individual and personal level makes me want to worship. It makes me want to know my God even more.

Hands raised.

Heart open.

My heart singing out an anthem of praise.

When we draw near to God.

God draws near to us. All of us.

For now, I am just coming to Him as a child. I know nothing of His ways and I just want Him to teach me the simple things...for He has more depth than I can even fathom.

We're WIRED!

Well friends, the time has come for my favorite week of the summer. WIRED WEEK!!!! It is a mission's camp similar to Mission-Fuge in our area. My hubby has been the assistant camp director for the past 4 years. Basically, well over 1,000 local youth and volunteers give up a week to come do mission projects and worship together. I'm blown away with how God moves every year.

I love being with the awesome youth.

Watching my husband in action. He is such a good leader. 

Jonathan and the Camp Director put so much work into this camp every year. They don't get much sleep for weeks, so sometimes they get a little wacky. Ha!

There are some emergencies sometimes too...like poppy diapers, but it all works out.

Ah WIRED Week! The madness starts this Sunday and lasts until Saturday, so I'll see you guys after we recover from camp. 

See ya soon! 

Anyone else going to camp this summer?

PS: I'm over here today too!

Send Jen to Ethiopia!

Do you like my new headbands? Well, 1, 2, 3 or more of them can be yours! I am making headbands to raise money for my trip to Ethiopia this fall! Since this mission trip costs $3750 and I have already depleted my savings on the first third, I am having to get creative. They have a very vintage chic feel to them. Who doesn't love vintage these days?

Want one? Yes? Great!

Here are your options:

All proceeds will go to my trip to Ethiopia this fall. (You can read more about it here.) I will be going with International Crisis Aid to work with victims of sex trafficking. We will also be helping the malnourished and several other things. It is going to be quite a trip! Did I mention there are lions in Ethiopia? Ha! This certainly isn't a sight-seeing trip. It'll be more like a feet-aching, heart-wrenching, mind-exhausting, hand-dirtying trip...but it's going to be so worth it. There is nothing better than the knowledge that you are being the hands and feet of Jesus in such a tangible way. Nothing.

I'd be so honored for you to help me get there.

Disclamer: You can donate as much as you'd like (which is why it says donate), but the headbands are a minimum of $20. I will not send a headband for under $20. Thanks!

The Difference Project: 2nd & 3rd Month

It has officially been 1 day without any coffee at all.

Honestly, I never thought I'd be able to say "I don't drink coffee". I have loved it since middle school. Despite being extra tired from lack of sleep, I woke up this morning with no desire for coffee whatsoever. No headache. No desire for it at all. (This never happens! Normally I head straight to the kitchen to make a pot.) In my last update, I really felt like I should give up coffee. I don't need to be so dependent on it, especially when I go to Ethiopia this fall. God is proving to me time and time again that He will give me the strength to do what He has called me to do. As silly as it may seem, quiting coffee has helped grow my faith in God...and so has the rest of this project thus far.

These past two months were a whole lot harder than expected. I had to go to Target to get a few wedding presents and had to force myself not to take a peek at all the cute summer clothes. I've had several strong urges to buy some new things, especially before going to weddings. I've also found myself making a mental list of all the things I "need" for my trip to Ethiopia. Yet, time and time again God breaks me, breaks my heart and I remember why He led me to do this. Through this project, my heart's sinful, selfish, and egocentric ways have come to light. At times I pity myself, feel proud of this project and others I am humbled before my Lord in tears, appalled by what is in my heart. Oh, if it were not for grace!

Today I read Psalm 57 in a different perspective. I challenge you to read this from the point of view of a young girl in sex-slavery, forced to be with 30-40 men a day. She cannot escape. Imagine reading this as an 8 year old boy forced to fight and kill in a war that is not his own. He must murder innocent people, or die. Feel the pain of a poor mother who has just had her first child. She is so malnourished that every day is one step closer to death by starvation. But her child, her precious child....is there any hope?

Now read it. How can I now go out and spend money on frivolous things? How can you?

Psalm 57

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.
²I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
³He will send from heaven and save me; he will put to shame him who tramples me.

God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness! 

⁴My soul is in the midst of liona; I lie down amid fiery beasts—
the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows,

 whose tongues are sharp swords.

⁵Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth!
 ⁶They set a net for my steps; my soul was bowed down.
They dug a pit in my way, but they have fallen into it themselves.
⁷My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody!
⁸Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn!
⁹I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples;
 I will sing praises to you among the nations.
¹⁰For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.
¹¹Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth!

I'm not saying all this to make you feel bad for drinking coffee or buying things you don't need. I certainly have lots of things that I don't need still. I am just hoping to be a part of a generation that lives for more than American dream, a generation that lives for Christ above all else. My desire is to be the difference to the needy in the name of Jesus and in order to further the gospel.

Where I've Been: The Philippines

I'm getting so excited about going to Ethiopia in October. I've had travel fever lately and have been looking back at some of my prior mission trips. Here are a few photos of my second mission trip. My first mission trip was to Mexico in high school, but I didn't have a camera then…thus, there will be no pictures of that trip!  

Back in 2007, I went to the Philippines with the Bob Tebow Evangelistic Association for two weeks. I had just finished my first year of college. (Yes, I was a baby and looked like one too! Ha!) I'm so glad I went because it really gave me a good perspective for the rest of college. I really did come back a different person.

Every morning we woke up before the crack of dawn, loaded into the “Jeepneys” and traveled for hours sometimes to different schools to share the gospel. Sometimes you traveled to over 10 schools in a single day. By time we made it back to our rooms, we were drenched in sweat and tired physically, emotionally and spiritually, but it was a very rewarding kind of tiredness.

It was a beautiful place. There was greenery everywhere you looked.

I spend most of my days there with kids like these. They stole my heart. I loved learning bits and pieces of their language. They would laugh so hard whenever I tried to say something. I think the teachers had fun teaching me too!

Aren't they so beautiful?

This girl was an angel. After I shared the gospel with this school, she came up and wanted to give me a hug and a kiss. My heart did about a million back-flips. 

Yes, I got to ride a caribou. Haha. There were lots of flies, so I quickly got off.

These girls were so sweet. We had such a great time getting to know each other.

The BTEA also has an orphanage in the Philippines. The children there are some of the sweetest I've ever had the pleasure to meet. This was the view from the orphanage. I still remember it as one of the most gorgeous places I've been to in my life. This photo doesn't even come close to doing it justice.

Yes, this is an actual bridge. No, I did not walk on it.

Oh, all the kids stole my heart. They were so loving!

This was our team.

It was during this trip that God really started growing a passion in my heart for missions. I would go every month if I could! I have used the training from this trip many times in different situations as well. It was a huge blessing to see how other people live in other countries! I realized just how much I really have and how much I have to give to others who need far more things than I do!

Have you guys ever been overseas before? What were some of the things you learned?