Fleeting

Life is ever fleeting, blowing by

It goes as quickly as the wind

The days pass like minutes

Soon they all will meet an end

When all my days are totaled

What will their measure be?

Did invest only a few days

Or all my life in eternity?

Few are the days on earth

Blink and they are done

Each day counts forever

No undoing what's been done

When my heart finds stillness 

For what purpose was it beating?

Was it for the one thing that matters

Or was my life merely fleeting?

Then Came Autumn

You called me out of the dead of winter

And melted the ice that trapped my heart

Freedom came as winter's walls fell down

From death to life, You gave a new start

Then came spring...

Then came spring...

Lying in the green grass full of Your love

You started speaking of Your plans for me

The Word took root and began to bloom

Your beauty was all my eyes could see

Then came summer...

Then came summer...

Heat came, threatening to scorch my faith

But you planted me near the river's cool flow

Your fruit was sweet through all the toil

Ever growing, I left behind all I used to know

Then came autumn...

Then came autumn...

Beautiful colors began to surround me

The breeze refreshed my tired, weary soul

Your joy and peace filled up my heart

Never had I felt more full, more whole

Then the first leaf fell from my branches

I gasp in horror as it floated to the ground

Soon all I had worked for was dead and gone

I clutched tightly to what was left to be found

My child, this is the season for death

Your pulled me close and gently said

It is time to show you beauty in sacrifice

Please Lord please, any other way! I pled

Child the fruit that falls will soon be seeds

Deeper in the ground they will fall and stay

Until I make them grow into something new

Death for you will make much life one day

Then I looked deep into His eyes and knew

I truly longed to do His will with my last breath

So I opened up my arms freely and let it all fall

Finally, I could see the sweet beauty in death

So came autumn...

So came autumn...

O heart, O heart

O heart, O heart I am sick of you.
Why must you torment me this night?
Give up, surrender, and let me go;
Stop this awful, unending fight.
You know you cannot even have
This thing for which you long.
Listen to wisdom and be still;
Don’t yield to this desire so strong.

O Lord, O Lord, I give you this heart
With all its hopes, and dreams.
I will do what you will in my life
No matter how hard it seems.
You know my true thought and intents;
You see to my innermost core.
My every impurity is exposed
And I can’t stand here any more.

O Love, O Love, You are all I need;
You bring the fulfillment I crave.
My heart says I need something else,
But all my love for you I save.
This is my precious sacrifice;
I pour my treasure store for You
Though I want to hold on to the desire
I give it to You to break and make new

O heart, O Lord, O Love, 
This is my only plea:
Take away every wrong desire
And replace it with Thee.

So the pressure comes...

Heavy is the burden that weighs upon my back

My heart cannot carry it; these walls are starting to crack

I know I’m weak and ever frail, so why do I even try

This pressure is too much for me, pressure on every side

But my strength is utter weakness; my victory is to lose

My triumph is when I’m pressed down, bent, broken, and bruised

For I am pressed into knowing no strength of mine, but God’s

I am pressed into loving His staff and His rod

Though I’m pressed to the ground, I am pressed into You more

I am pressed but not crushed, and Your life in me is outpoured

I give up holding back the pressure, so that my life will be unmarred

For my goal is to know all of You, including suffering’s scars

So the pressure comes, but let it come; it’s bruising is not in vain

It will press me into You and pour me out for the glory of Your name

Because of how You suffered Lord, I will not think this strange

Teach me to count it all as joy and be poured out for Your fame

~ make me a flame ~

I've been reading through "Shadow of the Almighty" by Elisabeth Elliot. This was inspired by what I've been reading:


God I pray, light these sticks of my life for You
Let all that I am be consumed
Make me a flame
Make me a flame

Take my life, for my life is not mine to save
Have it all Lord, and have Your way
Make me a flame
Make me a flame

Make me a burning flame
All-consumed for Your name
No matter how brief my life may be
And when this life is done
May it be Your name on my tongue
Jesus, for You I give everything

I'm no fool to give what I cannot keep
To gain more and more of Thee
Make me a flame
Make me a flame

Send me out, to light other souls for You
Let me make known to them Your truth
Make me a flame
Make me a flame

Make me a burning flame

All-consumed for Your name

No matter how brief my life may be

And when this life is done

May it be Your name on my tongue

Jesus, for You I give everything

hypocrisy

How can I lift my hands in praise
And then leave them at my side?
Your hands reached out to the lowly
Yours were nailed open wide

How can I read Your Word
And not obey your commands?
You call for radical obedience
Following You has great demands

How can I proclaim I am Yours
And not live like I belong to You?
If I am Your own, Your child
Do I even look I’ve been made new?

How can I say that I follow You
And not daily take up my cross?
You are my example for living
And you said gain is found in loss

How can my heart meet Yours
And not be consumed with Fire?
If I have truly seen You Jesus
How can you not be my one desire?

How can I see the world’s needy
And not be filled with compassion?
Your heart is full of grace and mercy
Why don’t I put Your love into action?

I am so humbled before You Lord
My sins have come to view
Burn away my heart’s hypocrisy
Make me ever more like You

Ethiopia...

It has been 2 years since I've been overseas. 


That is far too long in my book! I have been aching for another trip. Well, my time of waiting will hopefully be over soon! One of my friends told me that she is going to Ethiopia to work with victims of the sex trafficking industry in the Red Light district this fall. The moment those she started describing the trip, I knew. I had to go. My heart leapt at the mere prospect of going to Africa. A few of the details are yet to be worked out, but I am thrilled nonetheless.


Actually, thrilled would be an understatement. It is more like let-me-pack-my-bags-right-now-because-I-can't-wait-one-more-second kind of excited.


The organization that that puts these trips together is the International Crisis Aid. Their blog is pretty phenomenal. They have some truly amazing stories about what they are doing there. Here is a description of how far they have come:

In March 2007, ICA opened the first home for young girls rescued from sex trafficking in the red light district of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We began with one home, and 6 girls. Now, we have grown to 7 homes and more than 40 girls ages 6-20 that have been rescued from trafficking. Once these girls are rescued they are taken to their new home where they receive food, shelter, emotional and spiritual counseling, schooling, vocational training, & medical care. The ultimate objective of the rescue home is to free girls COMPLETELY from a life of sexual slavery and give them a chance at life that they never knew was possible!

I cannot wait to get there are pour myself out for these people. I am blessed to be a blessing. I have these gifts to use them for the sake of Christ...for the sake of others. I am filled to be emptied again. The love of Christ poured into my heart is not meant to stay; it is meant to flow out into other hearts from mine.

Here is a little letter to the people that have my heart these days:

To those I have yet to meet:


Your footsteps lead up the beaten path

Each day brings the same toil, the same tears

Some orphaned, some trapped as slaves

But don’t lose hope or give into your fears

Our God has not forgotten your pain

He is sending His people to meet your needs

A generation is rising up to right injustice

Love and mercy is our new creed

We are coming - let hope fill your heart

From these ashes beauty will soon arise

Love will heal your wounds and scars

Truth will replace all the endless lies

So now your faces are etched upon my heart

Though my eyes have yet to see your form

My heart loves you so deeply already

For your pain and sorrow my soul is torn

I will meet you soon, my dear Ethiopia
Hand in hand, heart to heart we will be

My heart will be out poured for yours

I long to see that you are completely set free

I will proclaim to you of the endless love of God

And of His perfect sacrifice on the cross

I long for you to know Him, know His love

And that all apart from Him is loss, all loss

May I be cursed if I do not love you

If I sit in selfish silence when you have need

I have been so blessed in this life, so blessed

Oh, that I may love you so much I bleed

Ethiopia...

...From here?

I hate waiting.

There, now I've said it. I like to have a plan and stick to it. In preparation for any trip or project, you can guarantee that I have made a checklist and a schedule...at least in my head if not on paper. In highschool and early on in college I used to get extremely annoyed when someone was running late or threw a complication into "my plan." After a few loving rebukes, I have since tried to be more flexible. Even so, I just don't like to be flexible. I like my own way better. I hate waiting - in everyday life and in my relationship with the Lord. Except God is obviously not obligated to follow "Jen's Checklist for How She Wants Her Life to Work Out."

I'm just going to be honest right now. This week has been a struggle. I'm having to let go of some of my dreams and surrender a few steps in my "plan" to the Lord. In my soul there is a deep restlessness. I feel like God has given me these intense passions only to let them lie dormant. I am waiting. Desperation for a life filled with His purpose consumes me. I just don't know what that purpose is specifically. I am learning to be satisfied in Him through the waiting, to be content even when I'm not where I want to be, and to be patient in waiting for His vision.

"For still, the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end - it will not lie.

If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay."

(Habakkuk 2:3)

...From here?

Spinning, my head is spinning

With so much on my mind

My heart has a deep yearning

But for what, I cannot find

Here, for a season, for a time

Yet I’m eager to move on today

I want adventure, not routine

Some days I just want to run away

I feel You pulling me toward something

But when will Your revelation be near?

What is it that You ask of me now

Where are You leading me from here

…From here?

Something invisible compels me

In my mind there is restlessness

I must know, Lord, I must know

I do not want to wander aimless

I know you have a purpose

For the passion bursting from my veins

What You have started in me

Will be completed, not in vain

I feel You pulling me towards silence

So that Your voice I can hear

Your servants waits on you now

Where are You leading me from here

…From here?

I am a dreamer

I am so thankful I married my husband Jonathan.

He knows me like no other person in the world.

The other day we were driving around and I started to tell him some of the dreams that have been spinning around in my head lately, of the things I aspire to be, and of my heart's deepest desires. I am passionate about so many things, but I've been having trouble figuring out what the main thing that I'm suppose to focus on in life. It is so easy for me to get caught up in my dreams and ignore the here and now. I love to think about "the big picture."

I love to write music and lead worship, thus I dream about being a worship leader at events like Passion or recording a worship CD.

I love to write about life, love and the pursuit of Christ (familiar?), thus I dream about publishing a book.

I love photography, thus I am dreaming about a nice camera and a photography business.

I love world missions, thus I dream about traveling the world, sharing Christ and coming back to tell the stories.

I love helping people, thus I dream about creating a non-profit organization that helps millions of people across the globe.

I love children, thus I dream about having 4 kids and homeschooling them with all the creativity and passion in these bones.

I love to create and craft, thus I dream about opening my own etsy shop.

I automaticly think large scale when it comes to the things I love. I'm a dreamer - it's what I'm good at. My husband is a dreamer too. We have so many aspirations. As I was sharing some of the things on my heart he said, "Jen, you're a dreamer. I am too. We both think big, but what if God is calling us to small things right now? We're married, and that means we need to focus on the main purpose God has for our lives...together." I'm so glad I have him to keep my dreams in check. Sure, I know that God has stirred some things in my heart lately. I know some of these dreams are from Him, but some of them are not.

Sometimes my view of Him becomes clouded by all my dreams. I cannot have that. Even if none of these things come to fruition, I can be content in small things becase I have HIM! And knowing Him is far better than any dream of mine. Is it hard to accept crushed dreams sometimes? You bet. But at the same time, I have so many that I can spare a few to be crushed!

So for now, for today, I will seek Him and His purpose for me. My heart can be so deceptive. I dare not trust any heart but His.


Say the word...

O God I want to please You
To serve You with all my life
I long to follow Your perfect will
To give all as a living sacrifice

But what do I do with my desires?
Do I need to let them go?
Will they fit in to Your plan?
Should I even want to know?

I give them all to You now
I can only rest my heart in You
I trust that You will guide me
And show me what to do

Should I crucify my dreams?
Say the word and it is done
Do want them burnt on Your alter?
O not my will but Yours be done

I cannot do anything less
Than give You all of my heart
So I offer up all that I am
You are in control of every part

Can You question now my soul?
Will you doubt Your LORD?
Will you trust in His unfailing love?
For nothing else can you afford

Say the word, Lord, say the word
Speak and I will obey Your call
I give back to You the life I owe
Take it, O Lord, take it all

What I Need You To Be

O Jesus, be now my Peace

For I am terrified of storms

My knees tremble in weakness

And I fear that I will be torn

My mind fills up with worry

This heart of mine is heavy

Why is my soul so burdened

With a weight that I can’t carry?

O LORD, I know that You’re here

You see that I am so scared

You hear my weary heart cry out

And know I feel so unprepared

O God, be now my Wisdom

I have none of my own

How dare I trust this soul of mine

When sin is all it’s shown?

My heart is desperately wicked

Who can know it but You?

I am foolish and headstrong

So with all I am, I lean on You

O LORD, I know that You’re here

I know you guide my steps

You are sovereign over all

From the heights unto the depths

O Spirit, be now my All in All

I am nothing apart from Thee

I’m selfish and fight against surrender

So triumph over flesh in me

How I yearn for unbroken fellowship

To look and see only You inside

Holy Fire burn away my sin

Be exalted in every aspect of my life

O LORD, I know that You’re here

Your love wraps around my heart

May You increase as I decrease

As You consume my every part

i was not promised

I was not promised riches

Nor a place to call my own

I have chosen to follow my Master

And He had no earthly home

I was not promised comfort

Or a life of ease all my days

Jesus calls for holy sacrifice

To give up wholly, without delay

I was not promised a healthy life

Or to live long before I die

In following I will suffer for His sake

And endure trials that pass by

I was not promised renown

No one may ever remember my name

My Savior's is the only one

Deserving of recognition and fame

But I was promised many things

An Enduring crown of glory
For those who faithfully run the race
Who live to tell His story

I am promised His Spirit
While I am here upon the earth
The Holy One resides in me
By the promised new birth

I am promised Himself
Eternity spent with my Beloved One
Is it not more than enough
To be given all of the Son

I am promised a Future
An enduring hope that never fades
A weight of glory beyond comprehension
All else will pass away

All else will pass away...

Flame of Fire

"He makes His ministers a flame of fire. Am I ignitable? God deliver me from the dreaded asbestos of 'other things.' Saturate me with the oil of the Spirit that I may be aflame. But flame is transient, often short-lived. Canst thou bear this, my soul - a short life? In me there dwells the Spirit of the Great Short-Lived, whose zeal for God's house consumed Him. And He has promised baptism with the Spirit and with Fire. 'Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.'" (Jim Elliot)

In reading "Shadow of the Almighty" about the life of Jim Elliot, I have been struck by the flame of passion that exuded every part of his life. He was indeed consumed with Christ. And he sought to live as Jesus did - for the glory of God. I love reading Jim's prayers. They are bursting with fervor and intensity. I have most definitely been challenged to let go of the 'other things' in my life that are distracting me from my knees, from desperation for God to move in me, and from soaking myself in the Word of God.

This is my prayer and my song as of late:

Here & Now 

Come and consume us

We are the offering

Gladly we lay down

Our lives before the King

Life is but a moment

In all eternity

May it be used up

For Your glory

So come with fire

Come with fire

So come with fire

We pray

Here and Now

We offer up our lives

As a living sacrifice

In worship to You God

For You are

The only righteous Lamb

Slain for the sins of man

So we worship You God

Here and now

Lord we are willing

To burn if you should choose

Nothing we hold back

It is our gain to lose

We choose surrender

A life with You as Lord

Here we are waiting

O Spirit, be outpoured

So come with fire

Come with fire

So come with fire

We pray

Here and Now

We offer up our lives

As a living sacrifice

In worship to You God

For You are

The only righteous Lamb

Slain for the sins of man

So we worship You God

Here and now

I Am No Sailor

Vast, vast is the ocean
Swelling is the tide
On the edge of this boat

I eagerly search for a sign

Show Yourself, O Mighty One

My only quest is You

I wait, wait, watching

For You to tell me what to do

Silent, silent I wonder

How do I use these tools

You know I am no sailor

I feel lost amid the hues

Relentless questions batter me

Like waves upon the sand

I watch, watch, intently

For Your strong, guiding hand

Pulling, ever pulling

Is the current strong

Still, I keep a steady course

Don’t let the wait be long

Show me a direction

And I will go with glee

I dare not trust my own heart

No, I will wait for Thee

Shining, blinding is the sea

Upon which I sail

Be ever close to me

Come what stormy gale

I can’t see what lies ahead

I depend on You to guide

Breathing, breathing deeply

I rest - You are by my side

Your Word

Teach me LORD, Your ways and I will follow
My desire is to keep them to the end
Spirit, open up my eyes to see Your wonders
For Your Word is my delight, my friend

Lead me in the path of Your commandments
Do not let me turn to selfish gain
May all my days be spent for Your kingdom
To proclaim your glory and promote Your fame


Though the world come crashing down
Still Your promises are found
So I will cling unto Your word - O God!


How wonderful to feast upon Your riches
Your words are ever sweet to my taste
I will store them up within my heart
So that my sin will not take Your place

Let Your beauty be always before my eyes
I desire an upward, not inward gaze
My heart is full of Your steadfast love
So gladly I give all my life, all my praise


Your Word breathes life into my soul
It is You that makes me whole
So I will cling unto Your word - Oh God!

More Clearly

Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Blogging, Websites, Video chat...and the list goes on.

Social networking has become a part of our daily lives. Our lives are shared online and we "know" more about each other and are more "connected" than ever before. But do we really know each other? Sometimes it scares me. Who am I really? Who am I portraying? How am I perceived?

These are are the questions that have been on my mind lately. If my goal and my desire is to reflect Christ, I cannot separate my faith from my "networking." It is so easy to create this wonderful me, when in reality I am not perfect. I mess up. I struggle. Not that I do this intentionally; it's just something that I've been made more aware of lately.

Is the cross central to the "me" online?

I have to admit that I like to be liked, admired and respected by those around me. Accolade is appealing. But is that what I should be seeking, unintentionally or otherwise? I'm afraid not.

I love the contrast in Philippians drawn from Paul's life and the life of Christ. In chapter 3, Paul describes all his accomplishments, how he "climbed the ladder" per se and achieved a high status with those around him. You could say he was the man. I'm sure the younger Jewish boys thought, "I'd love to be like Saul!" (His name was Saul at that time.) It wasn't that they were bad things. I mean, he had much of the scripture memorized, he followed the law and he was a very religious person. But after he came to Christ, he said it was all loss? Yeah, all of it was loss to him...like dung.

In the previous chapter, he shows how Christ did just the opposite of climbing up.

"Have this mind among yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus, who though He was in the form of God, did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking on the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Philippians 2:5-11)

Christ lowered Himself through every step of life. He wasn't someone you wanted your kids to aspire to be like. For example, take the time He washed the disciples feet at the last supper. Washing someone else's dirty feet was considered one of the most extremely demeaning tasks that anyone could perform. It was reserved for slaves. No wonder Peter protested so much! Jesus did that! He was constantly taking the lesser place, going lower and lower until he died the most shameful death anyone could imagine. It was total humiliation.

And this is my Master, my role model.

Do I look like Him, or more like Paul when he was climbing the religious ladder?

All I can say is that I am so thankful for God's grace. It disgusts me to think of how full of myself I am sometimes...a lot of times. I am so glad I have a merciful and patient Savior that doesn't give up on teaching me humility! I hope that He may be seen, in every aspect of my life - including online, more clearly.

In a world of self-promotion

With everything in the public eye

We put our best face forward

But in reality, who am I?

I can create a fine persona

Of who I really want to be

But in the darkness of the night

I know what truly lies in me

Show me how desperately I need You

LORD, expose me completely

Let me see what I really am

So that I may see you more clearly

In Your light we see light

So shine on all the parts of me

You are the only One who is worthy

So in me, may You be seen more clearly

There is nothing good in me

So write Your words upon my heart

How easily my mind wanders

So fill up my every thought

My days are meaningless

Without Your purpose driving me

I don’t know what step to take

Without Your Spirit to help me see

Show me how desperately I need You

LORD, expose me completely

Let me see what I really am

So that I may see you more clearly

In Your light we see light

So shine on all the parts of me

You are the only One who is worthy

So in me, may You be seen more clearly

The Call of Love

I can hear your call of love
In every moment today
It calls out to my heart
Arise and come away
How can I resist
My Beloved’s gentle plea
What else can I do but pour
My love out all for Thee

My heart is filled with passion
By one look, one gaze
My heart can’t help rejoicing
I must shout your praise
I delight to sit in your presence
You are absolutely lovely
Your word is sweet to my taste
O, there is no delight above Thee

This call of love consumes me
It binds me to Your cross
Here in this moment of surrender
I know that I am lost
Pour into me Your faithful love
Let it flow rich and free
I am completely satisfied
To be wholly consumed with Thee

You have awakened my heart
By this deep call of love
I cannot remain the same now
My heart is set above
Your love it calls me deeper
Further into Your heart
Let me press to know more of You
Until I see Your every part

I can hear Your call of love
In this moment today
It calls out to my heart
So I arise and come away
I cannot resist
My Beloved’s gentle plea
I can to nothing else but pour
My love out all for Thee

To Live, To Die

Sometimes I am so overcome with longing to be with my Savior in Heaven. On those days, I get so eager to part with this world and be swept up in the delights of worshiping Him, seeing His glory, reveling in His love - FOREVER!

My heart beats a wildly

For I long to be with You

My soul aches with inner longing

For this earthy life to be through

I want to see You in glory

To worship forever at Your feet

Sweep me up with You

My Love, you are what I need

The taste of death will not be

Bitter to these lips of mine

I’ll relinquish my last breath in joy

Glad that it is finally my time

How can I not desire the One
Who has taken hold of me
How can I keep from loving You
My God, You are all-consuming

Do not hold back Yourself

O Lord – my One true desire

I cannot live without You near

You consume me with Your fire

If my body must groan for heaven

Many years more while here

Give me a glimpse of what’s to come

Let Your presence always be near

To die is gain without compare

To live is only for You

To die is gain by a hundredfold

For I long to be with You

Lost In Him

My Savior is Jesus Christ
May I be forever lost in Him
Let His name be made known
And mine grow ever dim

Through His death I have died
Sin’s power o’er me holds no sway
Hold me to the cross dear Lord
Let flesh remain here every day

Through His resurrection power
I am made alive in Christ
No longer now do I live
My Lord and Savior is my Life

His life alone is worth living
Leave mine in the grave
My identity is in Christ
Let mine now and forever fade

Now suffering brings forth joy
For to lose my life is gain
The weight of glory found in You
Is my pursuit and my aim

Jesus, blessed Master
Be all that’s beheld in me
May Your love, grace, and glory
Be reflected for all to see

O may the world be dead to me
As I am consumed by You
Intertwine me with Yourself
Bind my heart in knots around You

How marvelous to be lost
To be swallowed up in Thee
O that we may be as one
No greater delight can there ever be

Ode to My Bed

(I feel so uninspired today....well for the past several days. All I want to do is sleep! Thus, this ode.)

Dear big comfy bed
You keep me sane
You aid in wonderful rest
For this weary brain

Your pillows are so plush
On them I love to lay my head
No others will do at all
None others but yours, O bed

Your mattress leaves me speechless,
And quickly takes me into dreams
I lay down upon it and rest
I'm in rapture it seems

Your covers engulf me
In the wondrous warmth I adore
The frigid wind cannot find me
Here I am cold no more

Dear bed you bring me joy
Upon the day's end
I meet you nightly with delight
And part sadly as the day begins

The End!

Writer, not a Rider

Nothing against equestrians or horses, but I'm not into riding horses. I like the idea of riding a horse on a mountain top, through the forest and galloping in a wide-open field. But I like the idea of a lot of things. It's not that I don't like riding per se, it's just that I'm so darn sore afterwards! I also don't care enough to build up a resistance to how sore your bum gets after being bounced up and down for that long.

So you see, I'm a writer not a rider. And I much prefer it that way.

I got this journal for Christmas from my in-laws. Isn't the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? I really can't place a value on a good journal. There are many things that contribute to it's qualifications. If I don't like the look and feel of it, I find it hard to want to sit and pour out my soul upon it's pages. It needs to call to me and becon to be written upon. Needless to say, this journal meets all of my requirements. As soon as I pulled it out of the tissue paper, I fell in love with it's sheet music cover. I have never had a more beautiful journal in my entire life. I cannot wait to see what will fill it's pages.

We are headed to PASSION 2011 this weekend, and I'm sure I will have quite a few insightful things to record from the conference.

I. cannot. wait.