Wednesday, March 30, 2011

...From here?

I hate waiting.

There, now I've said it. I like to have a plan and stick to it. In preparation for any trip or project, you can guarantee that I have made a checklist and a least in my head if not on paper. In highschool and early on in college I used to get extremely annoyed when someone was running late or threw a complication into "my plan." After a few loving rebukes, I have since tried to be more flexible. Even so, I just don't like to be flexible. I like my own way better. I hate waiting - in everyday life and in my relationship with the Lord. Except God is obviously not obligated to follow "Jen's Checklist for How She Wants Her Life to Work Out."

I'm just going to be honest right now. This week has been a struggle. I'm having to let go of some of my dreams and surrender a few steps in my "plan" to the Lord. In my soul there is a deep restlessness. I feel like God has given me these intense passions only to let them lie dormant. I am waiting. Desperation for a life filled with His purpose consumes me. I just don't know what that purpose is specifically. I am learning to be satisfied in Him through the waiting, to be content even when I'm not where I want to be, and to be patient in waiting for His vision.

"For still, the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end - it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay."
(Habakkuk 2:3)

...From here?

Spinning, my head is spinning
With so much on my mind
My heart has a deep yearning
But for what, I cannot find

Here, for a season, for a time
Yet I’m eager to move on today
I want adventure, not routine
Some days I just want to run away

I feel You pulling me toward something
But when will Your revelation be near?
What is it that You ask of me now
Where are You leading me from here

…From here?

Something invisible compels me
In my mind there is restlessness
I must know, Lord, I must know
I do not want to wander aimless

I know you have a purpose
For the passion bursting from my veins
What You have started in me
Will be completed, not in vain

I feel You pulling me towards silence
So that Your voice I can hear
Your servants waits on you now
Where are You leading me from here

…From here?


The Soul Anchor said...

This week I've experienced some of my own struggles and I've had to face things that need to be surrendered to God. I cam empathize with the frustration and pain of having to be stretched and grow in the difficult areas. Hang in there, lady! I know God has great plans for you!

Brooke said...

beautiful. I'm like that too I always have to have a schedule and everything and everyone should be on time! ha

Ashley Slater said...

Learning that patience is so hard, good luck girl!

p.s. I love your new profile picture, it is so peaceful and pretty :)

Ashley said...

I struggle so much with patience. I need to try to remember that verse. :-/

Hang in there, girl. God is GOOD.

Anonymous said...

LOVED this post, I can totally relate, God has been teaching me a LOT about letting go and trusting and waiting in His time, but I can tell from own experience it's always worth it, even though it's hard. ;)

Allison said...

I am right there with you girl! Hang in there and remember that God does have an awesome plan for us even if we can't see it in the moment. It will be worth waiting on. :)

Kristy said...

I totally feel you girl, I hate waiting too. Finding patience is always really hard but I do find waiting makes things feel so much more worth it when it finally comes down to getting them to happen x

Megan Elizabeth said...

this is why we serve such an awesome God.
i am feeling the exact same way right now. i'm bursting at the seams for Him, but not sure what i'm specifically supposed to be bursting at!
thanks for such an amazing post!

Bonnie said...

I would love to plan my entire life and check things off as they got accomplished.
God doesn't have that in mind for us, though.
Which sucks because I am a total control freak.
Let go and let God, right?
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

Emily said...

You chica, you know He would never give you dreams or talents without giving you the chance to use them or follow's just of Him timing. So easy to say so hard to follow (myself big time included).
Isn't it great though, thinking of the adventures He has for us? What fun is it in knowing every little thing that's going to happen? I like to think of it as Him keeping us on our toes. And getting us to focus on Him and not our next step.

Emily said...

OH chica, not 'you' chica HIS, not Him, timing...geesh, I need to proof read. =/

Jennifer said...

Indeed. So easy to say, so hard to follow. I know all the things to tell myself, but that doesn't negate the struggle that I find myself in sometimes. I felt like I needed to put it out there, to be real and to admit that I struggle with those things. (I'm a recovering perfectionist!) haha. I like what you said about Him keeping us on our toes!

Thanks for this!

meme-and-he said...

beautiful picture and beautiful words. so encouraging!

brittni said...

I've been struggling with the same thing for the past two months. I'm exactly the same way. I'm very project/goal/list oriented. It's hard to understand why things can't just work out according to my plan. God's plan is always better, but I hate waiting too! Keep your chin up :)

xx, Brittni
With Love From Michigan


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