Fireworks on her birthday!

Today is my sister's 19th birthday! She is truly one of my best friends. There is nothing like the bond we share! I am so glad that I was able to grow up with her, even though she tried to ruin more than one of my sleepovers. She started out as the wild middle child, but has now grown into a beautiful, talented and godly woman! She is a dancer, singer and a wonderful teacher. I can't wait to see what God has in store for her. 

One of the saddest moments we ever shared was when I packed up for college. I remember that we sat in front of our closet crying, because we had to split our clothes and shoes. Ha! (We've been the same size in everything since she was 13 or 14. It's so nice!) After I packed up my little old car, she rode with me to school and helped my mom move me in. Our days of sharing a room were over. No more talking late into the night, no more laughing early in the morning as we got dressed, and no more living close. Still, after I moved we became even closer. There is truly nothing like having your sister as a best friend. 

I love you sis! I hope you enjoy all the fireworks on your birthday! 

Happy birthday!

Love,

Your sister ~ Jen

Hello June!

Well, June sure got here quickly didn't it?

Man, I am glad that summer is here but it's going to be a busy one! It's as if the Mr. Temperature knows that I've been forgetting that it is already summer. I think he has taken it upon himself to remind me by inflicting our area with scorching heat. Seriously, it was 105 degrees in our area the other day. Yikes.

Regardless of how often I forget, this month sure is jam packed with events. We have 10 wedding invitations on our fridge (most of them on the same weekends) and we are going to 2 or 3 of them. Jonathan is a groomsman this weekend and I will be singing in another 2 weeks later. Between having a few gigs and trying to get in some friend and family time, this month is going to go by very quickly...I mean I feel like I just blinked my eyes and there went a whole week already! And that is just June! Let's not even mention July yet.

Despite June's rapid progression, I hope to capture some moments in peaceful places...such as where these photos where taken. I'm an ardent believer that summers should be spent outside as much as possible, even if it is hotter than blue blazes outside. I sure to wish I could have played in places like these when I was a kid. Can't you see some magical adventures taking place here?

Since I'm not a kid anymore, I just have to settle for reading, daydreaming, taking photos or playing the guitar...I may or may not frolic in fields, dance and sing when no one is looking ...but you will never know.

Sometimes you just have to get away from being so busy for a while. I don't do it enough. We'll see how much carefree frolicking happens this month. I hope it's more than I am expecting at the moment!

So what are you lovelies doing this summer? Do you have a busy month ahead of you too?

All the days of her life...

I was sitting in a small group Bible Study as a little braceface Middle School kid, more concerned with my undeveloped self than the lesson. Then suddenly Christy, the young college girl teaching the class, said something that pierced through my self-absorbed thoughts of insecurity and rocked my world.

“She does him good, not harm, all the days of her life…” (Proverbs 31:12)

To read the rest you can click over HERE, where I am guest posting at Sisters Of Infinite Worth. It is a really awesome blog and I am honored to be able to contribute!

Consumed: Jim Elliot

I just received this book in the mail today! I haven't read it since I was 13 or 14. I also read the account of his life and death in "Through Gates of Splendor" around the same time. Shortly after reading these books I felt God calling me to surrender everything to Him - even to a fate like theirs. The story of Jim Elliot has impacted my life like no other Christian biography. I cannot wait to recount my early teenage years as I re-read this book! I know that God will use it in a new way in my life! 

"God, I pray Thee, light these idle sticks of my life and may I burn for Thee. Consume my life, my God, for it is Thine. I seek not a long life, but a full one, like you, Lord Jesus." - Jim Elliot

I pray this for my life as well. I want to live as he did - completely consumed by Jesus Christ.

Running with Purpose

I love to run.

I've always been a runner. Flash back with me to little 5nd grade Jenny (as I was called back then), and you will find me playing soccer, racing all the boys on my team. I was able beat most of them. You could often hear me say, "I'll race you there!" Fast forward to high school. Little 10th and 11th grade Jen (as I am now known) ran track for the local high school. Most of the girls on my team were at practice so that they could look good in their swim suits, and most of the guys were just staying shape for football. Me? I was there to run. I came to each practice and each meet to get better, run faster, have more endurance. Why? Because I loved to run! This love has carried over into adulthood as well. In college I ran almost every morning. It was exciting to push myself to new heights, going more miles, faster.

But this past year I haven't run nearly as much, almost not at all. Sure, I can blame it on wedding planning, being a busy newly-wed, having a full time job, a super cold winter, etc. Truthfully, I'm just not motivated. I have become way too distracted and lost focus of the reason I run in the first place. Today I went on a run for the first time in....well, let's just say its been a really long time. I will probably be sore tomorrow, but that's just part of it. To be a good runner I have to be disciplined. I have to put a lot of time into it. I need to be purposeful.

My spiritual life is no different.

I have been reading through 1 Corinthians. Today I read the verse below - the exact same day I was planning on getting back into running again. Coincidence? I think not. 

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but that only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Ever athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. "

- 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

I must admit that I haven't been focused solely on my Prize. I have let other distractions, earthy pleasures and life's clutter cloud my vision. How much better of a runner might I be if I choose to run with more purpose? What might come of more discipline in my spiritual walk? One of my greatest fears is a wasted life. Even so, it seems that I have forgotten to strive for Christ with great purpose. Sure, I'm running. I read my Bible, pray, worship, but what is the caliber of my run? Do I run with leisure or with everything I've got?

I was also reminded of this verse:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run the race with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before them, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated on the right hand of the throne of God."

- Hebrews 12:1-2

There are things I need to lay aside to run better. My desire is to be in a passionate pursuit of my Savior. I'm so glad that I have been reminded of the steps I need to take in order to get there.



Confessions of a Misfit

It was the year I started first grade. The day of "promotion Sunday" had come and I was leaving all of my friends behind. (My mother had gotten a little over zealous about starting me in School, so she started me a year early. You can do that in homeschool.) So there I was, trembling in my frills and curls, hoping someone would be nice to me.

"Bye sweetie! I hope you have fun in your new class!" said my mother as she kissed my cheek.

Reluctantly, I put one foot in front of the other as my teacher escorted me to a table to introduce me to some other kids. I didn't want to be there. I missed my Kindergarten friends. Still, I tried to gulp down my shyness and say hi. The other girls at the table were playing "make-up" with some of their new "chapstick." You know the kind...Lip Smackers. They had a Hello Kitty kind, ones that smelled like watermelon and bubble gum, some that had sparkles, some that were pink, purple, blue...you name it. They all promised to make you cool if you just owned some. It was all the rage at the time.

"Do you have chapstick? We're trading." one of the girls asked me.

Suddenly a huge lump in my throat came into existence from out of nowhere.

"No, can I share?" I managed to utter.

"Sorry. This table is only for cool girls. You're only allowed to sit here if you have chapstick." the leader of the group told me.

REJECTION. Boy, did it sting. With my head as close to the floor as it could get, I wandered over to the cardboard blocks to play by myself for the rest of Sunday School. And lies soon filled my head.

You'll never belong.
You're worthless.
They are so much better than you, don't even try.
You'll never be accepted.
You don't have what it takes.
You're not smart enough.
You're not pretty enough.
You're not cool enough.
Just give up.

It's been a long time since first grade, but I still feel like I don't have the right "chapstick" from time to time. Even as a "big girl" I sometimes feel like life has handed me the "You're-Never-Going-to-Make-It" ticket for the "Looser in Life" train. I see someone else who is inevitably better than me at some thing or another and the lies flow into my head. Other times I just feel like I can never be "good enough" at whatever...like everything I touch will screw up. Or maybe it's just that I'm not where I want to be in life.

I'm stuck here.
I'm such a screw up.
I'm not a good enough Christian.
I'll never get it right.
Something must be wrong with me.
I'll never get past this.
I can't live up to it.
I'll never know what I'm supposed to do in life.
I'm just wasting my life away.
I'll never know God's will for me.
I can't make a difference.
I'm just not good enough.

Lies.

All of them.

Ever felt that way too?

This morning I had a revelation. It hadn't occured to me that these thoughts of dispair and worthlessness did NOT come from my Savior. (Sometimes, you just want to hit yourself in the head for not remembering such a simple fact!) My soul has an enemy and he wants to do whatever it takes to paralize me and keep me from living a purposeful life.

Since getting back in town from PASSON 2011, I have felt extremely down and unmotivated, with a general distaste for being happy. Why? So this morning I asked myself in the words of David:

"Why are you downcast, O my soul,

and why are you in turmoil within me?

Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him,

my Savior and my God."

- Psalm 42:11

I didn't have a good answer, but I certainly did feel useless, worthless, tired. I've been studying Philippians for a few weeks and this morning I read this:

"For it is God who works in You both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

 - Philippians 2:13

And I remembered this:

"For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

As a father shows compassions to his childresn,

so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him.

For he knows our frame;

He remembers that we are dust."

- Psalm 103:11-14

Epiphany! It's not about my ability or my worthiness. It's about Him. He alone is worthy and He alone is able to work His will in me. Suddenly I was overcome by my Savior, and oh did I praise Him! I'm not perfect, I will make mistakes, and I am not good enough...nor will I ever be. But He is enough.He remembers what I am made of - dust. He alone can do in me that which is perfect. What a releif to remember that He is not done with me!

So when I feel like I don't have the "chapstick" it takes to be good enough...or whatever, I can rest in Him. He works in me to will and to do for HIS good pleasure. My Savior hasn't given up on my misfit self. In His presence there is GRACE, MERCY, LOVE, and PEACE.
And He, my friends, is ENOUGH!

My Miracle: The begining - part 2

(To catch up on the first installment click here)

Suddenly, I was unable to move and held captive by every word they said.

Then, from the depths of my soul a voice whispered…

“Jennifer, will you go for me? Jennifer, will you go?”

The cross flashed before my eyes. I saw Christ, dying for the nations…for me. How could I refuse Him? How could I resist such love, such marvelous mercy?

“Yes, Lord. I will do whatever You ask of me.”

I knew that a love so amazing, so divine, demanded my soul, my life, my all.

The next few months were a whirlwind of learning. It was as if I suddenly sprouted wings and could fly. My focus was different…I was different. The things that used to matter to me, well they just didn’t anymore. I stopped worrying about boys, clothes and whether or not I fit in. For the first time I actually felt God speak to my heart through His spirit. I was set apart and it filled me with joy. I learned how to listen to Him and He would speak to me.

“I want you for myself, for my purpose child.” I heard Him say often.

I also started reading the Word. That too had changed. All of the sudden everything I read made sense. I saw things I’d never seen before. And some of it astounded me. Some terrified me.

I saw suffering.

I saw how those who were faithful to God suffered tremendously. Some were tortured. Some were ridiculed. Some had everything taken away from them. And some were killed. This turned my world upside down. One verse in particular really popped out to me:

“My goal is to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death.” (Philippians 3:10)

“I have never suffered. I’ve always had a fairly good life.” I thought a lot about this fact.

I couldn’t get over the seemingly equal correlation between knowing more of Christ and suffering in this life. As I read the scripture and the biographies of many great men and women of the faith, I saw how many of them suffered their whole life long for the sake of the gospel. But if that was the cost of following Christ, I was going to take the risk.

At first nothing really changed, but I was soon to embark on a journey that would change me forever. And it started in the most unexpected way.

“Jenny, we’re going to Disney World this weekend!” my mother announced.

To be continued…

Little known secret...

Are you ready for this?

(Ok, deep breath.)

I. WAS. BORN. AN. ELF.

Whew. I'm glad I got that off my chest. Seriously. When I was born my mother says that I had elf ears. They were pointy and well, elf-like. Don't you think I could pass for one of Santa's little workers?

I love wrapping presents...at least that's a start.

However, I am very glad my parents didn't give me up to Santa. Eventually my ears became normal, but they do stick out a little bit. That's why I NEVER wear my hair pulled straight back.

Silly elf ears.

I feel so much better having said that.

Was anyone else born with elf ears or am I just extremely abnormal?

ONLY 3 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!!

My Miracle: The begining - part 1

“Be sure to study for the exam for next time.” said the professor on the screen.

It was my junior year, and I was enrolled in a distance learning college class. Admittedly, I stuck out. I was surrounded by a sea of T-shirt and jeans and what was I wearing? Oh it was just my favorite cream shirt with a bejeweled collar, khaki pants and kitten heels...that all. I’d been labeled as “different” for as long as I could remember, but at the age of 16 I was finally starting to wear it proudly...well maybe it was more like semi-proudly. Being a homeschooler and the oldest of 6 surely never helped my chances of blending in any, especially when your family drove an embarrassingly huge conversion van that beeped when it was in reverse.

After class was over, I pulled out my newly obtained cell phone.

"Hey. I'm done...ok. See you in a bit." 

I had become very good at cooling disguising my "Dad, come pick me up" calls. Even so, it didn't help me feel less awkward for the horrid 8 minutes that I had to wait for him to get there. There might as well been a huge "looser" sign on my head.

"If only I hadn't waited so long to take my learners permit test!" I sighed to myself.

Finally, my Dad pulled up and we were soon headed home. As we passed through the crossroad that led to our house, the stack of books in my lap started to pester me, "Well, are you going to read when you get home or procrastinate until later?"


The year of “sweet 16” found me at a crossroad as well. We had moved from the city to a rural suburb (a county with only one high school), changed churches, my mom had her sixth kid, and I was having trouble “fitting in” with this new world I in which I found myself. I hated that my best friend live an hour from our house and that we no longer went to the mega church of First Baptist Jacksonville. I was miserable for a good many months.

It was also the year of many decisions. But the one that changed me the most was my choice to delve deeper into my faith. Growing up I was carted to church every time the doors were open and was saved at an early age, but my faith hadn’t found its own legs yet. All of the change that surrounded me forced those legs to either get stronger or become crippled. I chose the former. Little did I know all that this choice would entail, but I was soon to find out.

……………………………………………………………………………....

One Sunday at church we had a traveling singing group come to visit from The Baptist College of Florida. Never in my whole life had I heard of such a school, but they were pretty talented musicians. Being the music lover that I am, I listened intently. Then they started talking about their mission trip to China. (Or at least I’m pretty sure it was somewhere in Asia. China takes up most of it anyway.) I was suddenly unable to move and held captive by every word they said.

From the depths of my soul, a voice whispered…

“Jennifer, will you go for me? Jennifer, will you go?”

To be continued…

Christmas Memories

“Go to bed kids! I don’t want to see any of you until the morning!” said my mother excitedly.

We had just finished our annual Christmas play, put on by all of us siblings. I was the producer, director, and I even acted in it. After many years of doing the same play, you’d think we could execute it perfectly. However, that was certainly not the case…at least not with a hyper, rambunctious, 6 year old brother in the house. He always managed to add his own “comedic” lines to the script. But as long as we finished the play with baby Jesus (aka my youngest baby brother) in the manger and the wise men bowing before him, it was a success in my mind.

As my sister and I lay in our beds staring up at the Christmas lights hanging from the ceiling, we talked of the play and the presents we hoped to get in the morning.

“Aren’t you glad I convinced you to be Mary again this year Chelle?” I said patronizingly. She had wanted to steal my part as the Angel. It was my part since my mom taught us to act out the story when I was six.

“Yeah, I guess. Do you think Mom and Dad will get us a golf cart this year?” We asked for one ever since we moved out to the country. All the neighbor kids were driving around in their golf carts while we were riding bikes. So not cool.

Suddenly a whiney voice interrupted our discussion, “but Mooooooommmmmmm, I have to gooooo peeeeee! Can I cooooome ooooout?” Of course it was none other than the fourth child, Luke. He was always getting into trouble, or candy…but mostly trouble.

“Ok, but hurry up and go back to bed!” My mother yelled as she quickly threw a blanket over the things on the floor

My sister and I had already gone to the bathroom twice in preparation for being banished to our rooms for the rest of the night. We even brought a stash of chocolate chip cookies, some chocolate milk, blankets, and Santa hats. It was all my idea of course. Being the oldest makes you good like that. I mean I did have 12 years of experience under my belt!

Bang! Bang!

Suddenly a heavy object was slammed against the wall adjoining our room and the boys.


“Quit it boys” we yelled as we banged our fists against the wall.

Only laughter was heard on the other side.

Knowing my brothers, the object was probably Luke being body slammed by my 10 year old brother Matt. Wrestling was a favorite pastime of theirs. Chelle and I never understood why Luke even bothered to go up against Matt. Just the day before, he was almost severely injured (which happened quite often) because Matt propelled him with his feet from his own bed to Luke’s on the other side of the room. This normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but there were tangled Christmas lights hanging from every direction. Their room was basically a disaster waiting to happen. Matt’s aim was off a little this time and Luke went flying into the Christmas lights hanging from the fan. To this day, I am still astonished that the fan didn’t come crashing down on his head. Oh, and if you doubt this story it was captured on tape. Matt pretty much had a video camera strapped to his hand at all times. He even showered with it. O wait, he never showered. Never mind. I am just kidding. I am not kidding.

Soon after this commotion, our conversation was interrupted by a gentle knock on the door.

“Settle down kids. It’s time to go to sleep.”

That voice meant business. We didn’t dare go against one of our Dad’s “suggestions.” We knew better, well Luke and Chelle were still learning…but that’s why they had Matt and me.

“Ok Daddy. Merry Christmas!” I took it upon myself to speak for the others, being the oldest and all.

But were we able to go to sleep? Of course not! It was Christmas Eve! However, we put on an “Adventures in Odyssey” tape to aid us in our endeavors. (“Adventures in Odyssey” are awesome radio dramas for kids put out by Focus on the Family.) We listened to one almost every night anyway.

About 3 episodes later, we all were asleep in our matching Christmas pj’s. Or at least Chelle and I had them on. I can’t speak for the boys. (There are some things that I don’t care to know!)

Before I knew it, I was wide awake at 4:30 am. I checked the clock just to be sure. Yes, I was in the clear. (My parents, I mean Santa, went to bed around 2:00 am.) I would have woken up my sister so that she could go look at the presents but I had learned not to get near her in the wee hours of the morning. She was very volatile at such hours (and still is that way). So I then crept into the living room alone. The warm glow of the lights on the Christmas tree shone upon the myriads of gifts. We each had a spot on the couch for our presents and I excitedly ran over to mine. It was a beautiful sight.

I always sat there for a few minutes to bask in the wonderful magic of Christmas morning. There was nothing like it and there still isn’t. After A few minutes I galloped back to bed with a heart full of joy.

Though I may not be able to sleep in my bed at my parents (actually now it is my 7 year old sister, Kathryn’s), and though I may not hear my brothers wrestling the night before, I will still be wide awake in the wee hours of the morning. I will still be full of joy, thankful for Christmas memories with my family and for ones yet to be made.

It is only 10 days until Christmas!

Worship: More alive than ever

Have you ever been a part of something bigger than yourself, something that consumes you and makes you feel more alive than ever?

I have.

When I am a part of leading worship or just worshiping, something comes alive in me that otherwise lies dormant. When I was little I used to imagine that my soul was like a dove that soared up to heaven when I praised God. Sometimes I could feel my heart being lifted up, rising on unseen wings. Every fiber of my being was full of life and every breath an expression of my soul. It’s like some kind of dynamic energy courses through my veins. The switch is thrown and light floods every part of me.

In these moments, the depth of who I am is laid bare. In God’s presence there is no hiding. All my sin is exposed. At times tears of brokenness pour out, and at others my heart simply overflows with praise for such a great salvation. When I open wide my heart in praise to my Savior, all scars are healed, my sin forgiven, my pride burnt to ashes, my life filled with His Spirit and the very deepest longings of my soul are satisfied. Here I glimpse His glory and my desires become attuned to his purpose.

So how can I live for myself after such encounters?

But I do.

My life is riddled with selfishness. My heart tries to serve self and Christ. And it can’t be done. I will always love one and hate the other. I can justify it and make excuses all I want. But the fact still remains: I must choose.

My Savior has awakened my soul from death for a purpose – His glory. Will I waste my life on things than deaden my soul, or will I choose to live a life of worship?

Will I resolve to live everyday…more alive than ever?

“Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.” (Hebrews 12:28)

I'm not young enough to know everything

  

 Lately I've started reading Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie. I have loved the story for as long as I can remember. On long trips with the family it was the movie of choice. I do believe we watched it so much that we wore out the poor little VHS tape! This story (along with the Box Car Children) was probably one of the reasons I had a fasination with orphans when I was a kid. Imagination was the fuel of our afternoon play-times. We'd run out into the backyard pretending to be orphaned princes and princesses, making up whole worlds as we romped.

Though this tale is so beloved, I never thought of reading the original. (I don't know why it hadn't occured to be before now!) Let me just say that I am LOVING every bit of it! I feel like I've stepped into the realm of my childhood daydreams again. 'Tis a wonderful place indeed.

I feel like I could be Wendy. I'm the oldest too.

This is us as kids. Really! I'm Wendy, Matt is John, Michelle is Tink, and Luke is Michael. I'm sure Barrie wrote this about us. I just know it.

Adorable Michael is so endearing. I hope my little boys are just like him!

Oh the lost boys!

Smeed has to be one of my favorite characters. I can't tell you how much we laughed at his folly.

There's something so magical about the imaginative realm of a child. It's not hard for them to believe things. As adults we rationalize, calculate and come to cognitive conclusions. A child will just take you at your word and think twice about if it's "rational" or not. They naturally have a trusting spirit. They are also well aware that they don't know everything. They're always learning, always asking questions.

I need to me more like a child sometimes. I need to take God at His word instead of trying to figure out how I can work things out. I need to trust Him without a second thought. I need to follow Him with enthusiasm. I need to seek to learn from Him. I need to have a sence of wonder at the things of God. I need to be more like a child. Indeed I am a child of God. There is no reason to be so adult-like with Him.

I am reminded of an old hymn my family used to sing in Bible time (our daily devotional time with my mom), Trust and Obey. When I hear it, I think of a child walking through life holding their fathers hand. May I do the same.

Trust and Obey

Stanza 1:

When we walk with the Lord

In the light of His word

What a glory He sheds on our way

While we do His good will

He abides with us still

And with all who will trust and obey

Refrain

Trust and obey

For there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus

But to trust and obey

Stanza 2:

Not a burden we bear

Not a sorrow we share

But our toil He does richly repay

Not a grief not a loss

Not a frown not a cross

But is blest if we trust and obey

Stanza 3:

But we never can prove

The delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay
For the favor He shows
For the joy He bestows
Are for them who will trust and obey

Stanza 4:Then in fellowship sweet
We will sit at His feet
Or we'll walk by His side in the way
What He says we will do
Where He sends we will go
Never fear, only trust and obey

Refrain

Trust and obey
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
But to trust and obey

Just like the lost boys...but better!

I've always loved the idea of running away to Neverland. I almost did one time. You see, I never wanted my 18th birthday to come. I kept telling my friends that I was going to run away and that they could come with me. Growing up is for the birds, but tree houses are for me...and people who don't want to grow up. Just so you know, I did turn 18. In October I will be 22, but I am still a kid. (Here's a secret: I skip down the halls at work and twirl around like in the Sound of Music when no one is looking!) Proof of this lies in the fact that I love every tree house that I see. Just look at this one! Isn't is amazing?

Can this little nook be anymore perfect for an afternoon read?

Swiss Family Robinson has nothing on this cute little look-out.

Well, I think I shall retire to my tree house (aka: the couch, because it is the next best substitute) to take a nap. At least I have a picture of the great outdoors hanging on the wall to look at before I doze off. I would just look out our window, but I'm afraid the scene of concrete and cars is not very picturesque. Such is life my friends.