Telling my story...

"Can you tell me a little bit about your story?" she said as we got closer to the end of the interview. It had been exactly a month and a day since I began my adventure in unemployment. Here I was sitting in only my second interview. The first one was 3 weeks prior. I'd given up on searching and praying prayers that sounded more like begging than seeking the will of God. I definitely wouldn't have quit my job to take the one I was applying for. It only pays for 10 hours a week, but I'd be working way more than that. Going from having a job that is full time with benefits to something hardly enough to call part time sounds crazy. But there I was telling this woman that I was willing to sign up for it. 

Am I crazy? Who in their right mind would do that?

"I'm not from here. I grew up in Jacksonville Florida" I started. I started at the beginning and told her of growing up in a Christian home, our family Bible study in the morning, coming into a relationship with Jesus Christ, being homeschooled, moving from the city to a small, country town and having to decide between fitting in or making my faith my own....

I told her about my first real crush and how God said no. Then I explained how I changed and grew during my 16th year, how I read my Bible like it was really written to me and how I started praying that I would only fall in love once and that it would be with the man I married. The words fell from my lips like a gentle rain. It was as if I was reading my life like a book. I saw the time God called me into the ministry (which all Christians are called to...which is another post!) and when I heard Him speak directly to me for the first time. It was so clear. I felt so special. "After that, I moved college when I was 17" I continued...

Then I told her of the sickness...I told her of the pain that plagued me for 4 years. Memories flooded my mind and took me back to the little pantry where I kept all my many myriads of medicine, when I was crying alone in pain because no one was there to hear or care, hearing doctor after doctor tell me that they didn't have any answers, and God all the while breaking down my pride, my perfectionism, my plans and my grasp on this life. By the time I was so sick I couldn't move from my bed, I told her that healing came. Oh, it was a miracle that happened because of the faith of the believers in my church! Ever since that day, I have been perfectly fine.

"Then two months later I met Jonathan at a Bible study" I said. That was the beginning of a new life for me. I certainly hadn't planned things to work out that way, but they did. I remembered the first time I ever held hands...it was with him...and our first kiss (my first glorious kiss) a few months before we got married. I told her how I graduated in December of '09 and how we got married the following May. I told her about how our passions are exactly the same and that we love serving together now. Then I explained how God told me to quit my job, what He was teaching me, how He led me to start this new photography adventure and that He led me to apply for this position...this ministry position that doesn't pay much and requires a lot of time and effort.

Am I crazy? Well, you could say that I suppose.

"For if we are 'out of our mind' as some say, it is for God...He died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for their sake and was raised."
(2 Corinthians 5:13,15)


Going back over my story in that interview made me realize just what God has done in my life. I am so blessed. Before I was even born He knew that I was going to be there in that chair talking to her that day. He prepared me for this. He has walked me through life in good and bad circumstances, in joy and in pain, on days I couldn't help but sing and others when all I could do was cry. Everything I am, all that I have is because of Him. He has made me new and given me a new life in Him. He died so that I might live. 


So yes, I am out of my mind. I am crazy. I am foolish enough to follow Him because I realize that this life isn't mine. It hasn't been since I gave it to Him at 6 years old.

So I guess we'll see what He decides to do with it. I'm just the pages He is writing on...

Faith Spotlight: Salvation Story

Saturday, May 21st is the 16th anniversary of my Salvation. In honor of this very special day, I want to tell you all the story of how my relationship with Jesus all started…


As I child I knew that I loved God. I grew up in home with Bible verses taped on the windows and on the back of doors, scripture read in the morning and most nights. Spiritual things were commonplace in our house. My ears were filled with verses from the Bible and prayer as soon as they exited my mother’s womb. I even memorized the whole of Psalm 23 as a 2 year old and made up songs about ‘Jesus coming down’ at 4 or 5.

Even though I knew that I loved God, I didn’t know Him.

One evening I was singing as I swung on my new swing-set from my Dad. I was singing a song I learned in Sunday School about telling the Devil to leave me alone because he had no power over me. My mom overheard me and said, “Jenny, you shouldn’t sing that. You don’t have that kind of power because you don’t know Jesus yet.” However, I did what most 6 year old kids do – I ignored my Mom and kept singing and swinging. As darkness fell, I was taken back to something that had happened earlier that day….

“Jenny Bubbles (that was my dad’s nickname for me), Go put your money in your piggy bank.” My Dad instructed.

“Yes Daddy!” I said without any intentions of obedience.

I stuffed my money in my beloved doll house and ran outside to play.

In that moment I realized what sin was and that I was a sinner. Fear gripped my little heart as I thought of what might happen to me if I was to die on my swing-set. I knew the answer – Hell. I had always known these things, but in this moment I really knew them. I had not a moment to lose, so I ran in the house and knelt behind my doll house – the very place I had hidden my disobedience.

I can’t tell you exactly the words I prayed, if I folded my hands or said “Dear Jesus”. But I can tell you this, I can remember that moment in time like it was yesterday. As a little 6 year old girl, I came face to face with my need for Jesus…I came face to face with Jesus. I realized what He did through his sacrifice on the cross, I realized why He came to earth, and I realized exactly what I needed to do. I told Him that I needed Him to forgive me, that I wanted Him to take over my life so that I could have Him and be with Him after my life on earth came to an end.

This may seem foolish to you, but I was changed after that moment. I remember running into the kitchen to find my parents. I was so overcome with joy that I could hardly speak! My parents were quite astonished that this had occurred and promptly took me into their room to make sure I understood what I was talking about. Somehow everything that I had been taught made sense in a new way.

"I'm a new woman now!" I said to my parents with elation. "The old Jenny is gone and now I'm a new Jenny"

Ever since that day, I have never doubted that I now belonged to Jesus. Sure, there have been lots of times that I have struggled, especially in high school. But no one ever said that it is easy to follow Christ. I've made mistakes, and I haven't always been completly devoted to the Lord, nor will I ever be. However, knowing God is the most amazing thing. I wish I could explain it in words, but I can't even grasp it fully myself. I am just in awe that the Creator even cares about knowing me! It really is a crazy kind of love!

This is one of my life verses:

"But I count my life as no value to myself,

so that I may finish my course with joy

and the ministry I received from the Lord Jesus,

to testify to the gospel of God's grace."

~ Acts 20:24

What is your experience with Jesus? Is faith in Him even on your radar? I'd love to hear!

a few thoughts on dating

This is us back in the day...aka: when we were dating.

Lately I’ve gotten several questions about dating. How do you know when you find ‘the one’? What is some advice on dating and God-scripted love stories? I can’t tell you exactly the formula that will work for you, but I can share how God led me.

Well, let me take you back to where it all started…


Silently I sat on my bed by the window, clutching my bible and Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot in my arms. “Daughter, I never promised that you would get married.” I heard Him whisper to my heart. After several months I realized that if God was asking for my dream of getting married, then He had a good reason to do so. So I gave that dream to Him – which sounds a lot easier than it really was for me. How do you really put into words what it means to surrender?

The rest of my highschool days pasted without huge struggles about being single. But soon those days were over and I found myself at a small Christian college. It was here that I struggled a lot with the desire for a relationship. Sometimes my heart ached so badly that I thought it would break from loneliness. It was a season of waiting. There were a few guys that I met on mission trips and various events and I’d ask God, “what about him?”

This is where I advise you to be very careful. Our hearts can be very deceitful. I can’t tell you how many times I thought “I could marry them” or “If they asked me, I would date them”. Don’t let your desires skew your thinking. Seek the Lord and He will reveal the right time. Lots of times He said “no” by never allowing me to see my crush again, or I found out they started dating someone else.

I met Jonathan the Spring semester of my sophomore year at a Bible study where he led worship. He had it all – he was tall, dark, ruggedly handsome, funny, outgoing and played guitar. I liked him more than anyone I’d ever met just from that first encounter. Even so, I didn’t pay him much attention the first few weeks. (He later told me that he probably wouldn’t have been as interested in me if I had. He didn’t want someone who just came to a Bible study to meet guys.) The next few months were spent getting to know each other at the Bible study.

How did I know he was ‘it’? Well, the first sign was our similar passions. Pretty early on he asked me where I thought the Lord was leading me in life – I had never met someone whose God-given passions were the same as mine. Exactly! Second, was the way he pursued me. He was careful, respectful and intentional. Some of the first questions he asked me when we started “talking” were about my salvation and views on the Bible (which made a big impression on me). I knew he was serious about me. He wasn’t just playing around with my heart – he told me that I was the kind of girl he prayed God would give him one day.

Once it became clear that it was almost time to move on to dating, we spent 2 weeks apart with no communication in order to seek the Lord. It was an agonizing 2 weeks for me. In my heart, I knew that I already loved him. Even so, I gave all my hopes for this relationship to the Lord. I didn’t hear a “no” this time. I felt at peace with moving on and I knew that Jonathan was a man that I could trust with my heart. Sure, I had a few doubts here and there as we dated, but they were mostly in regards to the real person I found. I knew that I could not change him, so I had to ask myself if these were imperfections I was willing to live with for the rest of my life. Time and time again, I said yes and fell more deeply in love with this wonderful (and yet very human) man.

Was it scary and overwhelming at times? You bet. Still, in those moments I knew that the Lord was leading me. I had no doubt that I had sought His guidance and He had led me to this man. He chose me and I chose him…and we’ve never looked back.

The things of the heart are deep any mysterious. I don’t know where you are or what your past looks like. I can’t tell you anything but to seek the Lord. He knows our hearts and He knows what we need far better than we do. Trust Him, wait for Him. Your heart may break. Your dreams may shatter. Your soul may ache. Mine did. But there is always a purpose. The plans He has are far better than we can ask or think.

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man

The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

– 1 Corinthians 2:9

PS: I know I haven't gotten to some of your questions, but I promise the answers are coming. :)

My Miracle: The Magic Kingdom & College

For the previous installments:

A Journal Excerpt

The Begining - part 1

The Begining - part 2

“Jenny, we’re going to Disney World this weekend!” my mother announced.

My Dad had been called on a quick business trip to Orlando, and my mother, being the spontaneous woman that she is, had decided to pack us all up and go with him. No biggie right? A weekend away from my world of college classes (during the summer too) would be a nice break…or so I thought.

Four hours later, our huge clan of a family was packed into a room much too small to adequately accommodate a family of eight. But we were at Disney World nonetheless. Soon the boys were off to the golf course and the girls headed to the pool.

All was well until…

My stomach started to feel like there were a million knives trying to get out from inside. The pain almost brought me to my knees. I was miserable all weekend. Even the pure joys of the tea cup ride, Cinderella’s Castle and “It’s a Small World” couldn’t soothe it away. It hurt. I hurt like I never had before. And we couldn’t figure out why.

After we came back home I came to a full recovery. I passed it off as just a random bug and carried on with life as usual.

But it happened again two weeks later, and then again, again, again and again.

I started to watch what I ate. Surely there was a reason I was feeling this way? Soon all forms of my beloved dairy products were out of my life and replaced with “healthier” foods and daily exercise. Sack lunches full of things only people in nursing homes have to eat became my daily packages for survival on school days.

“You little guys are my best friends.” I said to my prunes one day – which is never a good sign for a 17 year old.

I certainly wasn’t normal, but then again I never was in the first place. Things were changing in every aspect of my life and these daily health struggles were frustrating for sure, but also still manageable. We still didn’t know what caused it or why it was happening to me. It became something that I just had to deal with.

High school graduation came and went. Soon I found myself on the phone with my future college roommate. It was official – I was moving off to college!

My life was about to take another huge turn down a road on which I was not prepared to embark.

“Hi, I’m Ashley!” said a deep and melodic voice on the other end.

To be continued...

My Miracle: The begining - part 2

(To catch up on the first installment click here)

Suddenly, I was unable to move and held captive by every word they said.

Then, from the depths of my soul a voice whispered…

“Jennifer, will you go for me? Jennifer, will you go?”

The cross flashed before my eyes. I saw Christ, dying for the nations…for me. How could I refuse Him? How could I resist such love, such marvelous mercy?

“Yes, Lord. I will do whatever You ask of me.”

I knew that a love so amazing, so divine, demanded my soul, my life, my all.

The next few months were a whirlwind of learning. It was as if I suddenly sprouted wings and could fly. My focus was different…I was different. The things that used to matter to me, well they just didn’t anymore. I stopped worrying about boys, clothes and whether or not I fit in. For the first time I actually felt God speak to my heart through His spirit. I was set apart and it filled me with joy. I learned how to listen to Him and He would speak to me.

“I want you for myself, for my purpose child.” I heard Him say often.

I also started reading the Word. That too had changed. All of the sudden everything I read made sense. I saw things I’d never seen before. And some of it astounded me. Some terrified me.

I saw suffering.

I saw how those who were faithful to God suffered tremendously. Some were tortured. Some were ridiculed. Some had everything taken away from them. And some were killed. This turned my world upside down. One verse in particular really popped out to me:

“My goal is to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death.” (Philippians 3:10)

“I have never suffered. I’ve always had a fairly good life.” I thought a lot about this fact.

I couldn’t get over the seemingly equal correlation between knowing more of Christ and suffering in this life. As I read the scripture and the biographies of many great men and women of the faith, I saw how many of them suffered their whole life long for the sake of the gospel. But if that was the cost of following Christ, I was going to take the risk.

At first nothing really changed, but I was soon to embark on a journey that would change me forever. And it started in the most unexpected way.

“Jenny, we’re going to Disney World this weekend!” my mother announced.

To be continued…

My Miracle: The begining - part 1

“Be sure to study for the exam for next time.” said the professor on the screen.

It was my junior year, and I was enrolled in a distance learning college class. Admittedly, I stuck out. I was surrounded by a sea of T-shirt and jeans and what was I wearing? Oh it was just my favorite cream shirt with a bejeweled collar, khaki pants and kitten heels...that all. I’d been labeled as “different” for as long as I could remember, but at the age of 16 I was finally starting to wear it proudly...well maybe it was more like semi-proudly. Being a homeschooler and the oldest of 6 surely never helped my chances of blending in any, especially when your family drove an embarrassingly huge conversion van that beeped when it was in reverse.

After class was over, I pulled out my newly obtained cell phone.

"Hey. I'm done...ok. See you in a bit." 

I had become very good at cooling disguising my "Dad, come pick me up" calls. Even so, it didn't help me feel less awkward for the horrid 8 minutes that I had to wait for him to get there. There might as well been a huge "looser" sign on my head.

"If only I hadn't waited so long to take my learners permit test!" I sighed to myself.

Finally, my Dad pulled up and we were soon headed home. As we passed through the crossroad that led to our house, the stack of books in my lap started to pester me, "Well, are you going to read when you get home or procrastinate until later?"


The year of “sweet 16” found me at a crossroad as well. We had moved from the city to a rural suburb (a county with only one high school), changed churches, my mom had her sixth kid, and I was having trouble “fitting in” with this new world I in which I found myself. I hated that my best friend live an hour from our house and that we no longer went to the mega church of First Baptist Jacksonville. I was miserable for a good many months.

It was also the year of many decisions. But the one that changed me the most was my choice to delve deeper into my faith. Growing up I was carted to church every time the doors were open and was saved at an early age, but my faith hadn’t found its own legs yet. All of the change that surrounded me forced those legs to either get stronger or become crippled. I chose the former. Little did I know all that this choice would entail, but I was soon to find out.

……………………………………………………………………………....

One Sunday at church we had a traveling singing group come to visit from The Baptist College of Florida. Never in my whole life had I heard of such a school, but they were pretty talented musicians. Being the music lover that I am, I listened intently. Then they started talking about their mission trip to China. (Or at least I’m pretty sure it was somewhere in Asia. China takes up most of it anyway.) I was suddenly unable to move and held captive by every word they said.

From the depths of my soul, a voice whispered…

“Jennifer, will you go for me? Jennifer, will you go?”

To be continued…

My Miracle: A Journal Excerpt

My third anniversary is coming up January 13th. It was the day that God did something huge in my life. But before I share what happened, I want to preface it with some of the background story...Three years ago my life looked very different.

I was sick, isolated and felt so alone...

December 15, 2008

Lord,

Facing reality is something I hate. I've gained 10 pounds in water weight and I can't explain why. I can't fit in any of my clothes. Thus, I am very discouraged. It's so hard at home. O God, I need you. Tears, tears, tears....

"I will not offer to the Lord my God burnt offering that cost me nothing." (2 Samuel 24:24)

This costs much. This cuts deep. Still, if this is what You want from me, I am willing. I am Yours. Only give me strength. Be my joy. All of mine is gone with my health. 

Be near O God, be near!

If only the words on this page could measure the volume of the anguish of my soul, it would sound off a scream into the heavens. Yes, my soul screams...and then retreats back into this hole. Bring me out of this pit, out from my silent screaming. Bring me out...

Shine the light into this darkness that seems unending.

December 18, 2008

" Remember we have bargained with Him who bore a cross...Our silken selves must know denial. Hear Amy Carmichael:

O Prince of Glory, who doest bring

Thy songs to glory through the cross,

Le us not shrink from suffering

Reproach or loss."

(Herbert Ironside Elliot)

Lord,

Why does the truth have to be painful? Why must growth and intimacy with You involve suffering? I do not yet fully comprehend it. My faith is small. I wonder that you do not reproach me and say, "Look what I bore on you behalf, child! con anything you go through in this life compare to the suffering of the cross, of the beatings, of the scourging that I went through? Anything? Why then do you question Me?" No, You look on me with love, bring me into Your tender embrace and pull my heart to You. 

How unfaithful and undeserving I am! Forgive me for my waywardness! I have resented You in my pain for giving this to me. What a wretch, that I should pity myself when I know plainly that the LORD of the universe suffered infinitely worse on my account to pay MY debt. 

"Our silken selves must know denial." I am selfish. I don't want denial. Lord, teach me to look at the cross, the Master I have chosen, the life I gave into, and the One worthy of all the suffering, reproach, persecution and loss that this world and this life can put on me. I do not think of "pain" when I look at You.

If only this suffering were for souls or for the gospel, but at present I see no reason. This doesn't mean You don't have one, but I don't understand. Help me to look at You in this as well and PRAISE You, my Savior. How little my heart has praised You - the only one worthy of my praise.

Once again, I give up. 

I give into Your ways.  

I love You. 

I surrender.