"Can you tell me a little bit about your story?" she said as we got closer to the end of the interview. It had been exactly a month and a day since I began my adventure in unemployment. Here I was sitting in only my second interview. The first one was 3 weeks prior. I'd given up on searching and praying prayers that sounded more like begging than seeking the will of God. I definitely wouldn't have quit my job to take the one I was applying for. It only pays for 10 hours a week, but I'd be working way more than that. Going from having a job that is full time with benefits to something hardly enough to call part time sounds crazy. But there I was telling this woman that I was willing to sign up for it.
Am I crazy? Who in their right mind would do that?
"I'm not from here. I grew up in Jacksonville Florida" I started. I started at the beginning and told her of growing up in a Christian home, our family Bible study in the morning, coming into a relationship with Jesus Christ, being homeschooled, moving from the city to a small, country town and having to decide between fitting in or making my faith my own....
I told her about my first real crush and how God said no. Then I explained how I changed and grew during my 16th year, how I read my Bible like it was really written to me and how I started praying that I would only fall in love once and that it would be with the man I married. The words fell from my lips like a gentle rain. It was as if I was reading my life like a book. I saw the time God called me into the ministry (which all Christians are called to...which is another post!) and when I heard Him speak directly to me for the first time. It was so clear. I felt so special. "After that, I moved college when I was 17" I continued...
Then I told her of the sickness...I told her of the pain that plagued me for 4 years. Memories flooded my mind and took me back to the little pantry where I kept all my many myriads of medicine, when I was crying alone in pain because no one was there to hear or care, hearing doctor after doctor tell me that they didn't have any answers, and God all the while breaking down my pride, my perfectionism, my plans and my grasp on this life. By the time I was so sick I couldn't move from my bed, I told her that healing came. Oh, it was a miracle that happened because of the faith of the believers in my church! Ever since that day, I have been perfectly fine.
Am I crazy? Well, you could say that I suppose.
"For if we are 'out of our mind' as some say, it is for God...He died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for their sake and was raised."
(2 Corinthians 5:13,15)
Going back over my story in that interview made me realize just what God has done in my life. I am so blessed. Before I was even born He knew that I was going to be there in that chair talking to her that day. He prepared me for this. He has walked me through life in good and bad circumstances, in joy and in pain, on days I couldn't help but sing and others when all I could do was cry. Everything I am, all that I have is because of Him. He has made me new and given me a new life in Him. He died so that I might live.
So yes, I am out of my mind. I am crazy. I am foolish enough to follow Him because I realize that this life isn't mine. It hasn't been since I gave it to Him at 6 years old.
So I guess we'll see what He decides to do with it. I'm just the pages He is writing on...