Thursday, August 4, 2011
Faith & Fear
I have embarked on a new journey. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea where I'm headed. I know this is the path of the Lord's will but at times I am terrified. The simple fact of the unknown, unplanned and unseen future causes worry to fill my mind.
You see, a little over 2 weeks ago God made it very clear to me that I was supposed to quit my job. I had no doubt that my time there was over. It wasn't the most exciting job ever, but it was comfortable. I had a full time position with benefits and I worked with nice people. Still, I knew I had to leave. I had no plans and nothing else lined up. My husband told me that I needed to follow the Lord's direction, but that didn't make it any less frightening to know that the paycheck was going to end soon.
I knew my Master was telling me, "take this step of faith and I will open the door."
So I did.
Here I am almost 3 weeks later with nothing on the horizon. My heart battles back and forth between fear and faith. The question of what lies ahead is almost maddening at times. Each morning I pray fervently for direction and every day I am comforted by His Word, by His Spirit and told that I need to trust in faith. He knows that I am desperate to follow His will. He knows I will do whatever He asks of me. He knows we can't make it to much longer before the money runs out. He knows my desires. He knows...
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for , the conviction of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Faith - it is all I have to cling to. I have faith that He is good and that He has a plan for our lives. So I wait for the word of direction. I will continue to walk along the path He has laid out for me, though I know not where it leads or what my next step will be. I rest in knowing that He is faithful though I am faithless. He will fulfill His promises. His ways are higher and I trust Him.
So there you have it. Raw and real.
I am jobless.