Thursday, August 25, 2011

A few things I've learned...


Hey guys! I'm back for a little bit. I'm borrowing my hubby's computer for a second today. It really has been nice to get away from distractions and make the time to read and pray. Being unemployed has been quite an adventure thus far. It has been very evident that this is God's will for my life right now. I've been learning a lot...and some of it hasn't been pretty.

I have come to realize that I need people and that I hate waiting. I don't like to admit that I hunger to be around people. I like to be independent and make myself think that I'm strong. Guess what? I'm not. After a week of waiting and praying I broke down. It was a quiet Sunday afternoon and I just couldn't take any more quietness, so I drove to Publix. (That is where I normally go when I'm angry. I shop for groceries and think. Yeah, I'm weird! Ha!) While there I had it out with God. I told him that I was so frustrated that I couldn't hold it together. I was angry that I had no answers after a week of waiting. I felt like I'd been left in the dark. He promised that if I took this step of faith, He would open the door. No door was in sight.

On the way home I stopped by a park to cry so Jonathan wouldn't see me. I hate to cry in front of people. Tears fell and washed away all my resolve. I didn't and couldn't understand. At the end of myself, I knew this was part of God's purpose. I needed to learn to trust Him in a deeper way. I had to let my fears go. After I came home, Jonathan let me cry on his shoulder. I told him that I was afraid that He would be disappointed in me and that I didn't want to be a burden to him. He reminded me that I'm not alone. He would take care of me no matter what and that I'd never disappoint Him as long as I am following God. Can I just say that I am so thankful for my husband? God was so good to give him to me.

Well, since then things have been better. I am learning to trust God for everything, for everyday. I am so amazed that I still have money in my bank account. I am astounded that I almost have enough funds for my mission trip. I am in awe of the peace that passes all understanding. In all of this God is teaching me to trust His voice. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. He has asked me to do things that don't make any sense! Still, I am trusting in His promises. He has promised to use me if I will give everything to Him without restraint. So I put all my faith in Him, even when it doesn't make sense.

And now, I am finally getting a glimpse of an open door. Jim Elliot once wrote,"the will of God is always a bigger thing than we bargain for." This has been more than I bargained for, but it is good. Being unemployed in the will of God is better than the best dream job I could even imagine. I'd rather hear His voice than the voice of any other. He is better and I am satisfied. He is has put so much joy in my heart. My cup overflows.


"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in You!"
(Psalm 84:11-12)

36 comments:

Emmy said...

We all have those moments where we need to just break down and let it all out - that was basically my whole week last week! It wasn't pretty. I was scared that people would feel guilty for how I was feeling, or would be afraid of what I was going through, or would get tired of having to comfort me all of the time. But God provided and gave me the people I needed to help me through. While the feelings are all still there - I know that God is going to bring healing through all of this. I know He will bring healing and love to you too!

Becky [This Road Called Vida] said...

This is BEAUTIFUL. I was just listening to one of my pastor's older messages and this part stood out in my mind: "When we see problems we instead need to see doors to our blessing. Keep your attitude of faith and do not be moved by what you see or what you feel." God is molding you through this experience, and your heart & life will be all the better for it in the end. Congrats on trusting in Him despite your breakdowns! You're victorious in this!

annie said...

Oh man, this really hit home for me today, because I've definitely been there these past few weeks, just this state of wondering what's going on, why things are or aren't happening... and I've had my fair share of meltdowns in the middle of it all. Then yesterday, as I watched God answer a very big prayer for me, I remembered: His presence is always there, even when it feels far away. He is there, and He is ready to give us everything we could possibly need. Beautiful post, Jennifer.

Laura said...

This was so encouraging to read. Thank you for your raw, honest and faithful post. It's brought me joy to know that you're trusting God and you're happy - it reminds me of what a wonderful, loving (and a little crazy!) God we have :)

Hannah J. Holmes said...

Following God is never easy, but it's seriously the most worthwhile thing we can do!

Connie said...

This is a beautiful post! God definitely does have our needs in mind, but sometimes it's hard to see why He wants what He does for us.

caley-jade rosenberg said...

This is a genuine and honest post girl - thinking of you while you go through this phase in your journey...

Remember that He has a plan for you, and it will asll work out for you!
x

a girl with a smile said...

Amen. Be encouraged! I'm so excited to hear what He keeps doing with you.
He knows what you need, even if its just a shoulder to cry on.

Ashley said...

your tranparency and honesty is beautiful... God is doing an amazing work in your life, i know it! stay encouraged girl!

xoxo
ashley
www.laluceimagery.blogspot.com

Alyss said...

Beautiful Jennifer. When God's will isn't in line with our will, turning to faith is extremely difficult. Especially when what God's plan is making life stressful. I'm so happy that you're looking to Him in this situation. You are amazing.

vintch said...

Such truth in this post! God's will is certainly greater than we can every imagine or hope for. thank you for your honesty. the bright lights of the grocery store are so therapeutic. it's as if nothing bad can happen in those aisles:)

Mary said...

I really admire your strength and peace about the situation that you are in. I can't imagine what you are feeling but I know that God will use you in such awesome ways! Thank you for this encouraging post in patience and reliance on our Father!

theolivetree said...

such a lovely post and thanks for being so real...I think we have all had those moments!

Gennean said...

Wow, I needed to read this - it spoke to directly to my heart (although my circumstance is different). Thank you for allowing God to use you!!!

hannah singer said...

beautifully shared, jennifer. keep holding fast to jesus and his word. your faith is inspiring!
and LOVE that quote, wow.

xo praying for you!

Sonia said...

There's a part in Brooke Fraser's song, Crows & Locusts, that goes "She limps on up to the top of the mount, looks at the faltered harvest. Feels her sweat in the ground and the burn in her nose, and knowing in her guts something's still gonna grow.. she ain't leaving til it does.."

You are faithful and know how to encourage yourself in Him, and the Lord sees it. All of it.

Jennifer said...

Oh, thank you so much for reminding me of that song! It fits so perfectly!

Courtney B said...

Jennifer, you are so beautiful...inside and out! Thank you for being so honest with us!
It is incredibly frustrating/scary/discouraging to be unemployed. My husband went through EVERYTHING you just described about a year ago. For 7 months. It was awful. But now we are in such a good place! Looking back we've been blessed more than we could ever imagine. I think it took him losing his job for us to realize that!

taylor elyse said...

thank you so very much for visiting my blog and deciding to follow me! i am so honored, i appreciate it so much. i will be following you from now on as well :) thank you for sharing your journey with us; it's always hard to trust in God, and i surely fail at it daily, but it's also always worth it. best wishes to you; can't wait to read your next post :)

*taylor

Alexis Kaye said...

you are so inspiring! I have totally done that where i stop to cry before coming home so my husband doesn't have to see me cry...AGAIN! ha, it's been a frequent occurance lately! But i know that with someone who has as much faith as you, you will be taken care of! Obviously, that's a truth you know incredibly well. I can't even imagine how proud of you He is!

Meredith Sledge said...

What a beautiful story. I love this. Thanks for sharing your heart!

EMily said...

Praying for you girl! You are a huge inspiration!

Lindsey Lea B said...

You have encouraged me! Rich blessings :)

Bethany G said...

Ahh it can be so hard to follow God's plan. I love that Jim Elliot quote. So happy about this possible open door!

Heather said...

I 100% relate to what you're going through and your transparency is a breath of fresh air. I love this line... "Being unemployed in the will of God is better than the best dream job I could even imagine."

I, too, am unemployed due to a recent move away from my hometown. I agree, there are so many moments of quietness and far too often it can be deafening. I am a people person, too. I pray that you and I will be able to use this time fruitfully to seek Him more and use our time for His glory.

xo Blessings xo
-Heather

Jamie said...

Go girl! You're gonna get through this! God is great and He is BIG, and His ways are far beyond what we can ever imagine. Sure, hat's easy for me to say, I am not going through anything really difficult right now. But hey, the words are truth, and when I'm going through a tough time you can say the same thing to me! ;0) He is teaching you something through this.

Your blog is a blessing. Hugs!

Luisa Rodríguez said...

I love your posts - you're always so authentic!

Many blessings to you. Stand firm in the faith.


__________________________________________
http://mustbeliberating.blogspot.com/

Amylou said...

the waiting is always the hard part. I think it is so awesome that the Lord is teaching you so much right now. I kind of think it has a lot to do with preparing you for your mission work. It's going to be such a blessing girl. Keep holding on! Looks like he is doing awesome things!

heartland farmhouse said...

I wouldn't trade any of my trials. They are what made me, forged me into what I am today! However at the time...even though I felt closer to God than ever. The refiners Fire was NOT fun!
Well written friend!

xo

Jessica said...

Beautiful post. It's wonderful to hear how God is working in your life!

Natalie @ NS Pottery said...

I read this a few days ago and didn't have time to leave a comment, but I just wanted to tell you how much your faith inspires me! To follow Christ when He leads in a direction that doesn't make sense is something that not many people would do, but I KNOW that you will be beyond blessed because of it! Praying for you, and I can't wait to see what amazing things God does through you, Jen!

Natalie @ NS Pottery said...

Oh, and don't forget, you've got a chunk of change comin your way in a couple days! :)

Ashley said...

You are so sweet to share your heart like this. And you look like a porcelain doll! Beautiful.

Lori said...

beautiful post! thanks for sharing your heart

Sarah Kate said...

What a beautiful post, Jennifer. I want to echo all the other comments you've gotten about this and say it's been an encouragement to me as well. Thanks for putting this out there.

Jen said...

oh my goodness yes! what a beautiful reminder!

a friend always reminds me of this quote by Gary Thomas:
"Would i rather live a life of ease and comfort and remail immature in Christ, or am I willing to be seasoned with suffering if by doing so I am conformed to the image of Christ?"

for us both i hope the latter.

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